A Day Off from Mindfulness

5 Jan
Image

My favorite animal picture from 2012. (I think the bear is okay).

I didn’t go on epic walks while picking up doggie poo with the little plastic bags.  I didn’t hum songs while carefully cutting up pieces of kale to make a healthy juice.  I didn’t thoughtfully consider my vegetable intake or gaze happily out the window at the big trees while doing sun salutations.  Nope.  Today I didn’t do much of anything related to my project.

Today I went to work and I spent the entire day (and then some) in my office.  That sounds weird, like I never go to work, which isn’t true but I think I’m suffering from some kind of bizarre guilt of the formerly overworked.  The truth is, I am in my office a few days a week and I do a lot of general business running on the other days.  I also sub yoga classes periodically.  And this week I’ll start walking a few dogs here and there, fulfilling a years-long daydream of quitting social service work to be a dog walker because dogs are nice and easy compared to suffering people.  Anyway, after quite a few years of tough social service jobs, enjoying an open schedule and being my own boss feels both freeing and overwhelming. Still there is that nagging guilt causing me to consciously hold back from pursuing full time work again to deal with those uncomfortable feelings and all the uncertainty.  I feel like I should be doing MORE.  I feel scared about the uncertainty of running my own business even though it took years of really hard work to get here.  ACK.  This is the kind of crap that can keep me up in the middle of the night.

I’m starting to realize that this is how my new schedule is- I have some days that are open and some days where I’m just in the zone of doing what I need to/ want to professionally and I’ve got things to do and can’t spend a lot of time fixing perfect meals and chanting OM.  I have never been good at maintaining healthy habits during really busy times.  My hope is that I can find balance with all of this.

Nataliedee

For reals. Image from nataliedee.com

So I’m a bit disjointed and very much thinking about things like schedules, taxes and treatment plans.  Part of this challenge, surely, is to integrate mindfulness and self-care even when having a busy day.  I didn’t succeed to0 much with that today, but perhaps next Saturday I’ll do a bit better.

How do you balance taking care of yourself with taking care of your responsibilities?  

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